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A while ago on Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..."
Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.
I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he asked her out trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.
I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.
Haha this was soooo embrasing.. Don Tran on FB was like.. what are some good pickup lines so i said one then he said.. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. and i said sure. and i finaly get the pickup line.. he thinks im a homo >____>
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." He replies "BREASTS.
Hi, I’m foreign. I’ve got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
Can I borrow 70 cents? No? Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.
You’re so hot, your ass is on fire.
I’m sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
LOL!
Hi my name is -name here-, but you can call me tonight
hey I crashed into that wall over there because I was distracted by your beauty, I'm gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes
Did you fall from heaven, cos your face is f*cked up!
Thats not a pick up line, thats like a get-slapped-for-free card
are you an overdue library book, because you got fine written all over you
I'd like to get my basilisk into your Chamber of Secrets.
Wanna watch my Ekans evolve?
You remind me of Pokémon. I just want to Pikachu.
I turn on my Charmander pants come off.
When I look at you, my Metapod can't get any harder.
Girl to guy: You're like a credit card, you slide right into me.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Hey, I lost my phone number ... Can I have yours?
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
lol
DO YOU LIEK MUDKIPS? :D
lol wtf? xD
how is that a pick up line?
LMAO. :D
Well. I know someone who has used that to ask someone out. XD
Did it work?
It worked for her. o_o
LOL WTF..
Ill make a story about that..
A while ago on Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..."
Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.
I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he asked her out trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.
I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.
You are such a weirdo..
All I did was copypasta and put in "asked her out" instead of whatever was there before.. I couldn't type all that.
You have too much free time.
I got it from
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mudkips
and yes I am really bored right now and it's rainy outside so yea..
Wow... and it stopped raining.
But it's still wet outside :[
that's what she said
So true
That totally had it coming.
...that's what she said.
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-herd-u-like-mudkips
I'm an astronaut &my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Ahahah, thaaaaaank you FB!
lol. a little too much umph? lol
That's a good one
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
*To somebody you don't know*
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met?
LOL hoping that you're wrong right?
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
My dick died. Can I bury it in your ass?
omg, wtf, AHHAHAHAHA
WTFFF
I have one eye ball, and its for you!
Is your dad a robber? Because somebody took the star from the sky and stick it in your eyeball xD
Look a shooting star! *point *girl looks *put your arm around her
Then you get slaaaaaaaaapped!
Do you have your library card? Because I'm checkin you out :OOO
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Haha this was soooo embrasing.. Don Tran on FB was like.. what are some good pickup lines so i said one then he said.. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. and i said sure. and i finaly get the pickup line.. he thinks im a homo >____>
dude wowwowowowoow haha. That's a pretty good one though.
lol
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
Christmas
edit.
dhjkafhasd.
wrong button.
I will fondle your vesicles while you caress my golgi body.
Hey, baby want to Squeeze my Theorem while I poly your nomial?
Eat my top ramen before it gets soggy?
Of course you would say that xD
HAHAHHA
Are you a magic mushroom? Because you are making me grow.
LOL. I liek this one. XD
You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
lol wdf?
HAHHAHAHHA.
Ahahaha nerd jokeeee
I wish I was your derivative so that I can lie tangent to your curve.
Why dont you come over to myspace so i can twitter your yahoo till you google all over my facebook?
LOL. this is the best one by far
Giggity xD
wow...must have taken a genius to come up with that one!
Yes, yes I am (:
can you jst write your name on my cup, then i'll jst take my soda to go (:
Forget the big mac, you're my number one.
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
hahaha ew. xD
That's going in my favs xD
eww
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
I can be your therapist any day :]
That's more of a creep-out line than a pick-up line °_°
Maxwell's my therapist now :]
But Kurt will always be the numba1 therapist
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
AHAHA great one..
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
lol... dont beat around the bush! what are you trying to say!?! (jk jk lol)
jiexi, that just made my day xD
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle :D
What's the difference between a jewish person and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream while it's in the oven.
Oh shit wrong thread
Smooth move x-lax xD
Now turn that into a pick-up line :D
You can put your Jew in my oven anyday xD
That's just horrible xD
but funny..
He walks up to the girl and holds out his hand and says, "Would you mind holding on to this for me while I take a walk?"
by far the cutest one i've heard.
good one :]
Gee, why didn't I think of something like that?
because you're not cool enough, obv! (haha sorry pikachu, i'm in harsh mood today and seem to be taking out on you.) but seriously.
"I lost my phone number. Could I have yours?"
sure it's 911-8735
fake phone number = feelings of rejection...sad day =(
did it call the police?? idk that you would accualy do it
unfortunately i'm intelligent enough to know that 911 = emergency number. do not dial unless emergency. lol.
192-5911
not sure if it works, but i think it calls 911 with the 925 area code lol
Good that could have ended bad -___-
seriously. then i would have to explain to them how this boy gave me him number over the internet. lol.
smooth move..
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." He replies "BREASTS.
AHAHHA, I love facebook!
LOL! not really a pickup line, but.... hahaha!
kinda goes with the topic tho
This popped into my head again in Stat today lulz xD
ewwwyz
You can ride my LAKAITNING any day.
wtheck is a Lakaitning? o___o
I ride it everyday :]
"You can ride my LAKAINING any day." and "I ride it everyday" doesn't mix ._.
Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, that horrible
Do you live on a chicken farm, cuz you sure know how to raise cocks.
Haha my and Jacky were sending stupid graffiti's. Here's some.
I would insert my floppy into your disc drive :D
Then again:
Wanna come see my HARD Disk? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy :D
1:45 xD
Also I wonder if there will be cake..
no cake here... its a lie
Hi, I’m foreign. I’ve got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
Can I borrow 70 cents? No? Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.
You’re so hot, your ass is on fire.
I’m sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
Thaaaank you tumblr. via evelynnnn
"Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package." Rofl!
Wait so you've been getting all these from tumblr?
Did you make up the myspace twitter my yahoo thing at least?
sadly, no :[
Ahahah, nooooooooo, that's been floating around the internet for a while!